It’s good for our kids to learn and form their own opinions, and to be able to express their thoughts and ideas constructively. However, it’s more important for them to understand that they must do so respectfully, especially in situations of conflict of opinion or disagreement.
And, since conflict is present in all aspects of life, it’s upon us to teach them that communicating and disagreeing respectfully and politely is how we can work through these conflicts peacefully, strengthen our understanding of others, and maintain good relationships with them. For example, we can tell them the story of the “Hudabiyah Treaty” and how Umar Ibn Al-Khattab (ra) disagreed with Prophet Muhammad (saw) on signing that treaty. They did not cut ties or shame one another, they just saw things differently and followed our Islamic teachings of respecting each other’s opinions.
Also, knowing that discussions and arguments can’t always go how they wish, and that it is not “my way or no way” is very important. Allah the Almighty (swt), who holds all matters in His hands, says in His holy Qur’an “there is no compulsion in religion” ( Qur’an 2:256) and “Call upon the way of your Lord with wisdom and good counsel” (Qur’an16:125). So, if Allah (swt) encourages freedom of opinion and reasoning with respect and logic, even in religion, shouldn’t we do so too?
Moreover, we should teach them that when we disagree with someone, we shouldn’t make it personal. We shouldn’t hate them just because we disagree with them. However, we should always remember and stick to our Islamic etiquettes and the Islamic teachings of harmony, love, respect, compassion, and co-existence.
Noteworthy, our kids learn by what we do… not what we say, they are our little mirrors. Thus, we should consider how we react in similar situations, how we respect other opinions, how we respect differences, and how we disagree politely.
If you’re still wondering how to start introducing the concept of “disagreeing politely” to your kids, the following five tips will be of great help insha’Allah.
1- Lead by Example
As agreed, no matter how much we guide and instruct them to do something, they only imitate what we do. So, number one is to start with yourself.
2- Allow Them The Opportunity To Discuss
No one learns without practice. Giving our kids the opportunity to argue with us, allows us the chance of guiding them smoothly through the discussion. It gives them the chance to comprehend how we respond and act through discussions and disagreements, and gives parents insight on their child’s real thoughts and views.
3- Teach Them How To Be Good Listeners
We can’t have a healthy discussion if we don’t know how to listen to each other. This makes mastering the skill of listening an essential part of the process. They must know that a good listener doesn’t assume what the other is going to say or keep interrupting them. On the contrary, good listeners listen without judging and they tend to understand more by giving other people time to clarify their opinions and points of view.
4- Introduce The Concept of Conflict
Teaching our kids about the meaning and value of conflicts and disagreements at an early age allows them to better comprehend others and learn to get along in situations of conflict.
5- Acknowledge, encourage, and praise their disagreement resolving skills
Whenever we see our kids acting respectfully and understandingly in a conflict, it’s healthy to show them how proud we are of them and how we appreciate their mindfulness and good behavior.
At the end, we should all ask Allah (swt) to grant us the calmness to manage our anger in times of conflict, the patience to listen, understand and disagree with others respectfully, and the strength to accept that we should agree to disagree at some points.
